rehab and evolution

Besides all the compelling data, I believe in evolution because that's the primary way that I see God work. Then again, I also see God work in surprising events which are more like the gunshot style of creation. But I'm thinking about process right now, so I'll stick with evolution. I feel like my life is rushing towards something, building up to something, but I don't know what. Working up to one of those gun shots (hopefully not literal). And it works slowly, things take time...

I just realized that I feel like I'm heading somewhere. That's comforting, and surprising.

A lot of major changes don't take place like a shot though. When I look back over my life, I don't see very many defining moments, where one choice dramatically changed the course of my life. It's more like things just happened, and probably happened through many choices over long periods of time.

The other lesson I've learned from life is that resolutions don't usually accomplish much. Over the years, I've been involved in a lot of online communities, especially gaming communities. One thing I noticed is that people who made an announcement that they were quitting always came back. The ones that quit for real just faded away. No announcements, no real resolutions, it just happened. That's how I see life work, a lot of times, it's fading, or slowly appearing. It's not like someone coming up to you in the dark and flipping a light on in your face, it's more like sunrise and sunset.

Besides other reasons, these views are probably why I'm not cut out to ever work at a rehab center: "No, don't worry about making resolutions to kick the habit, just let it happen." Right. Maybe that's true in some drug rehab cases, but I'd bet it's not in most. Still, that change takes time is comforting to me, because I realize that I have all these things about me that I want to change, but it's not going to happen by flipping a switch. God works in his own time, including his own time to change people. Fruit of the spirit, man, it takes time to grow. And it grows on its own time, not just when I decide. Or maybe the two things are one and the same, where I want to change because the spirit is bugging me, but it still takes time.

It's like riding down a big hill that you've never been down before, you know that it has to end at some point, but you're not sure what's going to be at the bottom.

Zoom.