memory

It's hard for me to get things done when I'm waiting, or to pay attention to anything when I'm anticipating something else. Especially when what I'm waiting for is uncertain, whether it's going to happen or not, and when it will happen (or not). Usually I have to stop waiting (even if I'm still waiting) to get things done.

It's funny how memory works: memory invents. A few months ago when I was in California, I started talking to Zac W. about a trip that my high school went on, and saying how weird it was that it had already been two years since we went. Then he said that he didn't go on the trip, and I was shocked. It was true, and I remembered that, but up until that moment I remembered him going, and could have placed him into memories of events where he wasn't actually present. Another time I told a friend that I'd seen Five Iron in concert. It wasn't until a little bit later (hours, day?) that I realized that wasn't true. Memory deletes too. Memory's unreliability is part of the reason that I think all stories are fictious (even non-fiction).

But then I was thinking yesterday about how memory lets me see things that I couldn't before, it lets me reintepret past events and see the truth of what was going on, what I couldn't see when I was in the middle of things. I guess that's how we can look back fondly at miserable times, and look back with regret on enjoyable times. That's why talking to people about past events is so important, too. None of us see clearly, but with each other we see a little more clearly.