comments

Selected comments I got on short stories I wrote in college:
"I do wonder why [the main character] thinks of death so often, but maybe that's not something that needs to be explained in this story for this character."
"Anyways, I didn't quite understand the narrator's fascination with death."

"Is the narrator a 'maniac'?"

"I slightly wondered what gender the narrator was."

"Well, I think this is more advanced storytelling than I'm able to usefully assess, but here it goes....I'm sorry I wasn't smart enough to be much good in helping you with your story."

"Why doesn't he just wait for the parade to find the woman? Rather than looking for her in the neighborhoods (a bit creepy). I guess these sorts of things could really work to your advantage to reveal something about his character (obsessive compulsive?)"

"Also, I needed more information about the character and more explanation to warrant his obsession with finding him and the bizarre methods he used"

"The scene of him following the woman is great, and subtly hilarious. I enjoyed it. It's very apparent that he has no idea how creepy he is, especially with the surgical masks."

"I know people just like this."

"The imagining of fungus spreading across the city seemed to come out of nowhere."

"Who is the woman and what is the significance of the panda earrings? How much of this really happens?"

"I have to admit that I really don't get this story other than the fact that the narrator is unhinged....I can't even say where the heart of this story lies because it confuses me so much."

"I like this story. I don't understand it, but I like it."

"I'm not even entirely sure of the narrator's gender. Names would also be nice."

"And why do something so irrational and obviously futile as walking around block by block of a map and hoping that something appears, eliminating areas on foolish assumptions?"

"Manipulate me."

"This guy has a very nervous energy to him....did he just have an intense case of O.C.D. or was there something more serious going on."

"The little details and moments really bring the blood and pulse into the story, like the woman pushing a wheelbarrow of cabbages."

"He's certainly an odd duck"