Love the sinner, love the sin. That is what I'm coming to believe more and more, which is funny to me because I don't even know what it means, just that I feel it's more true than "love the sinner, hate the sin." Recently I read a letter to my school newspaper where someone was writing that Jesus didn't get in bed with sin. Immediately when I read that, I thought "Of course he did," and that that is the sort of love that Jesus had for people and that I should have for others. I don't know how to explain it except in sexual terms, and even then I can't explain it very well.
In other news, I don't think that I'm a dualist anymore. I believe less and less in a distinction between mind and body or between spirit and flesh. I'm not struggling with sin. My experience of life isn't an experience of being at war with myself. I'm not quite sure how to explain this, because there are definitely ways that I need to and want to change, and ways that I want to treat others better and love others better, and ways that I hurt people and yes, sin against them. I can recognize that and at the same time honestly say that I'm not in a struggle against sin. I also wonder if this is more towards what it means that the old me has been killed, that there is no more struggle and no more war within me.
Maybe it has to do with loving the sinner and loving the sin, that it's impossible to love myself without loving the sin. I think that one of the reason's I don't see my life in terms of struggle with myself is that I believe less and less in the division of all things and more and more in the unity of all things, and that the sinful part of me is exactly that: part of me. The more I read and experience life, the more I see the problems in dividing my existence into terms of flesh and spirit, especially when flesh is interpreted as my own physical body. I don't want to hate any part of me, even the parts I don't like. I want to understand them, and love them so that they can heal. I don't want to hate any part of anyone, I want to understand those parts and love those parts so that they can heal as well. Hate is like amputation, but love is more like healing. One is fast and crippling, the other is slow and restorative. That is what I believe.
But doesn't the Bible perpetuate dualist ideas? Yes, but also no (perhaps). A part of me wants to say that we read Paul's ideas through Descartes, who divided mind and body, and through Augustine, who had a hyperactive conscience (incidentally, I like Augustine). I think that's true, and should be taken into account. But it also needs to be taken into account that Paul was working within a Platonic framework, and that Plato had divided up the individual 2000 years before Descartes did. But I think it's fair to say we don't understand Paul as well as we think we do.
Here's what it comes down to for me at the moment: when Paul speaks in dualistic terms, this should not be read as a description of reality, it should be read as a framework for understanding reality and for understanding how sin and God can coexist. And it's a good framework, it really is very useful and has been useful for much of my life for defining my own experience with my self and with God and with sin, but I think in the end it is only a framework, and not reality itself.
Incidentally, I was at church tonight listening to a song that I've heard many times before, but I understood it in a much different way, and I felt like writing about it. The lines? "worthy...of a childlike faith and of my honest praise and of my unashamed love." The way I've always understood those lines, and probably how the writer intended them, is that God is worthy of everything, and so I should be worshipping him in really demonstrative ways because I don't care what anyone thinks. There's probably some truth to that, but I think that the adjectives are super important: dancing around during worship and evangelizing to people on the streets may be neither honest nor unashamed for me, and there shouldn't be shame in that.
I've been thinking some lately of how important it is to recognize that we understand God in different ways, that we experience him in different ways, that he guides us in different ways and, maybe the most important, that we serve him and respond to him in different ways, and that this diversity is a good thing and not something to feel threatened by. It's just hard for me when other Christians' God seems so different and in some ways antithetical to the God that I love.
Let me tell a story that might explain what I was just writing about.
Imagine for a moment that a man and a woman are about to make love, and that one of them (it doesn't really matter, let's say the man) has an STD (it doesn't really matter which one). And he wants to wear a condom to not give this disease to her, but she tells him not to. It's not even that she's willing to "risk it", it's that in some sense she wants his sickness, that she wants to be sick with him. That is the way I understand the love of Jesus (and also not the sexual policy that I would reccomend adopting, at this point). I really do think that Jesus gets in bed with sin.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
centre/margin
A few weeks ago at group I was given a notecard where I was supposed to write down the names of people I knew who were on the margins, or who didn't have a voice. I didn't write anything down, because I had a lot of trouble identifying anyone. I would think of some people and then realize that they do have a lot of friends, or that they do have a voice, or that they do have people speaking on their behalf in places where they're not given a voice. I don't think I was necessarily "right," that's just what I was thinking at the time.
Since then, though, I wondered if some of my trouble in answering that question had to do with the fact that I don't know whether I'm in the centre or the margins. My leadership position suggests that I am, in some sense, at the centre, and so do all the connections that I have. But I don't always feel like that's true, and my sense of myself within those circles is sometimes at the margins of those circles (sometimes this manifests itself in physical terms where I'm consistently on the fringes of the group). Maybe it's just me, maybe it's common, but I think identity as centric or marginal is constantly shifting depending on what people I'm around and my attitude at the time. Sometimes it really is deeper than that though.
Sort of on the lines of center and margin: I read an article on white privilege today. Most of what was listed as white privilege (and I think it's pretty accurate) is the privilege of white people to avoid symbolic identities, where they aren't necessarily representative of their whole race (although I wonder if that's true in a non-white majority community). In any case, it emphasized even more for me the need to let everyone be their own life, and to listen to their individual experience.
This is something that's actually pretty important to me in interpreting literature, as well, and, I think, a point of contention that I have with other English majors. Part of interpreting literature is taking things on symbolic grounds, and there is a lot of truth that can be found there. But, it also means that human lives within stories are not allowed to stand for themselves as a unique human experience. In other words, if a man in a story is abusing a girl, the man represents all men and the woman represents all women, and the story is saying that women are subjected to male oppression. I think there is a problem with that sort of interpretation, and it's something that really frustrates me when I hear other interpretations of men or women as a whole that are based on one character.
Anyway, white privilege. What frustrated me about the article is that there were no solutions offered. The article ended by saying, "What will we do with such knowledge? As we know from watching men, it is an open question whether we will choose to use unearned advantage, and whether we will use any of our arbitrarily awarded power to try to reconstruct power systems on a broader base" (Peggy McIntosh). This is not a solution. It is an ideal, and a value, and an end, and it is good, but it doesn't offer any means. And that is something that has been bothering me for years about racial issues, and especially about issues of white privilege: I am never offered any solutions of what I can do, especially what I can do as a white male.
But maybe what the ending is getting at, or maybe it's just the first step in my mind toward a solution, is not over-running the people who will let themselves be overrun, and encouraging people to speak who will not speak on their own. I'm keeping this in broad terms because if I'm actually serious about doing this then it's not just something that applies to race relations, it applies to every interaction I have with people. I know what it's like to know that people will let me walk all over them, and I know what it's like to do it, and to see it happen, and it's terrible. Anti-coercion, anti-intimidation, striving for weakness rather than power. And I'm not trying to suggest that non-white people let themselves be walked over, it's more just the first step that I can think of actively taking, if I am in a situation where I do have the power to run over someone else.
Since then, though, I wondered if some of my trouble in answering that question had to do with the fact that I don't know whether I'm in the centre or the margins. My leadership position suggests that I am, in some sense, at the centre, and so do all the connections that I have. But I don't always feel like that's true, and my sense of myself within those circles is sometimes at the margins of those circles (sometimes this manifests itself in physical terms where I'm consistently on the fringes of the group). Maybe it's just me, maybe it's common, but I think identity as centric or marginal is constantly shifting depending on what people I'm around and my attitude at the time. Sometimes it really is deeper than that though.
Sort of on the lines of center and margin: I read an article on white privilege today. Most of what was listed as white privilege (and I think it's pretty accurate) is the privilege of white people to avoid symbolic identities, where they aren't necessarily representative of their whole race (although I wonder if that's true in a non-white majority community). In any case, it emphasized even more for me the need to let everyone be their own life, and to listen to their individual experience.
This is something that's actually pretty important to me in interpreting literature, as well, and, I think, a point of contention that I have with other English majors. Part of interpreting literature is taking things on symbolic grounds, and there is a lot of truth that can be found there. But, it also means that human lives within stories are not allowed to stand for themselves as a unique human experience. In other words, if a man in a story is abusing a girl, the man represents all men and the woman represents all women, and the story is saying that women are subjected to male oppression. I think there is a problem with that sort of interpretation, and it's something that really frustrates me when I hear other interpretations of men or women as a whole that are based on one character.
Anyway, white privilege. What frustrated me about the article is that there were no solutions offered. The article ended by saying, "What will we do with such knowledge? As we know from watching men, it is an open question whether we will choose to use unearned advantage, and whether we will use any of our arbitrarily awarded power to try to reconstruct power systems on a broader base" (Peggy McIntosh). This is not a solution. It is an ideal, and a value, and an end, and it is good, but it doesn't offer any means. And that is something that has been bothering me for years about racial issues, and especially about issues of white privilege: I am never offered any solutions of what I can do, especially what I can do as a white male.
But maybe what the ending is getting at, or maybe it's just the first step in my mind toward a solution, is not over-running the people who will let themselves be overrun, and encouraging people to speak who will not speak on their own. I'm keeping this in broad terms because if I'm actually serious about doing this then it's not just something that applies to race relations, it applies to every interaction I have with people. I know what it's like to know that people will let me walk all over them, and I know what it's like to do it, and to see it happen, and it's terrible. Anti-coercion, anti-intimidation, striving for weakness rather than power. And I'm not trying to suggest that non-white people let themselves be walked over, it's more just the first step that I can think of actively taking, if I am in a situation where I do have the power to run over someone else.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
strangers
I just trimmed my mustache for the first time ever. I'm not counting times when I clipped it for a day as a joke before I shaved the whole thing off. I had a lot of trouble with it at breakfast this morning, trying to eat a bagel with peanut butter on it. It was time to shave.
I've noticed lately how confused I get when strangers smile at me, mostly when a number of strangers smile at me in a short amount of time. I start getting really nervous that my fly is down or that something goofy is stuck to my face.
I've noticed lately how confused I get when strangers smile at me, mostly when a number of strangers smile at me in a short amount of time. I start getting really nervous that my fly is down or that something goofy is stuck to my face.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
race
Edit: I'm not really sure who I'm trying to implicate when I write these things, or what "race discussions" I'm talking about. Most of my teachers have been really level headed and I've really appreciated their input and challenges to ideas of race. I guess I'm mostly thinking of other students, or the media, or my general impressions from who knows where. And, I'm not claiming that this is the way it is: this is mostly just my experience.
Here are more of the reasons why I'm uncomfortable (or just tired) in race discussions:
1. I care about my identity as a white (therefore of European descent) American male, and have lived over half my life understanding myself as minority that experienced distinct benefits and discriminations for being white. The reason this is a problem is that, in discussions focused around race, the primary identity assigned to white people is that of oppressors. Is there historical and current basis for this? Of course. But I want to understand myself as a white person, and I don't feel like much is offered to me to hold on to when I'm offered the choice of being an oppressor or being nothing.
1 1/2. I have a deep appreciation for cultures from all around the world. The reason this becomes a problem is that African cultures are appreciated and upheld as being black cultures, Asian cultural traditions are upheld and valued for being Asian, but European cultures are rarely appreciated for being white. I suppose part of this is that groups that value white cultures are often white supremacy groups, where white culture isn't valued in and of itself, it's valued for being better than other cultures. The problem isn't that European or white cultures aren't valued, it's that they aren't valued in the context of race. People might appreciate Shakespeare, but they don't appreciate him for being white in the same way that Ralph Ellison is appreciated for being black.
2. Race is one aspect of human life that is expanded to explain an entire human experience, and this fragments a human life. I don't want to deny the extent of anyone's suffering because of their race, because of the discrimination they've suffered for being a certain race. I also don't want to fragment human experience and tell someone that they don't know what it means to suffer because they haven't been ostracized or hurt because of their race. Other people are rejected and discriminated against and killed for aspects of their identity that have nothing to do with race, and their suffering is real and also can't be minimized just because they're being discriminated against and killed on a non-racial basis. Also, I'm concerned with people as entire human beings where race is part of their experience as a whole, but it's not the whole. Asking for someone to speak as a black man, a white woman, a Thai transvestite, and only being concerned with those aspects of their identity, and to ask them to speak for every other black, white, or asian, is a mistake. It's really important to hear the stories of everyone.
2 1/2. I am pretty aware of myself as a white person, maybe after living in Thailand for so long, but I'm also used to being more or less aware of it depending on what context I'm in. In other words, my sense of racial identity strengthens and weakens throughout the day depending on who I'm with and who I'm around. If this is connected to discomfort during race discussions, then it's connected to the idea that race isn't an all-encompassing, eclipsing identity. I also understand that might just be my experience.
3. I just feel petty a lot of the time for caring about being white, that I can't voice these concerns without being petty, and without minimizing the pain of other people. But I suppose this is like having a friend who, whenever you're together, will always talk about himself and his struggles and is never concerned with yours or you or your life except in the context of how what you can do can help him. And, in this case, you really do want to help him, and you are aware that what he's faced has been more painful than what you have, but you just get tired of listening all the time without ever bringing your own life into it.
That may be really selfish (or it may not be, you decide, America), but that's also where I'm at.
Which is another reason I'm uncomfortable with race discussions: The emphasis is on ideals rather than truth, so people aren't allowed to speak truthfully of where they're at and what they're thinking. And if things are going to change, there needs to be space for people to speak honestly instead of trying to appear like they're not racist, not sexist, not bigoted (especially when everyone is racist, sexist, bigoted in one area or another to one degree or another IMO). I often don't feel like I have the ability to speak honestly of my experience, or to ask honest questions becuse people will tell me that I'm wrong, that my questions are wrong. But the point isn't whether I'm wrong or not, I may know that I'm wrong, that I'm racist, and want to change that, it just doesn't make sense to keep repeating to people how sick they are when they're in the middle of looking for a cure.
Here are more of the reasons why I'm uncomfortable (or just tired) in race discussions:
1. I care about my identity as a white (therefore of European descent) American male, and have lived over half my life understanding myself as minority that experienced distinct benefits and discriminations for being white. The reason this is a problem is that, in discussions focused around race, the primary identity assigned to white people is that of oppressors. Is there historical and current basis for this? Of course. But I want to understand myself as a white person, and I don't feel like much is offered to me to hold on to when I'm offered the choice of being an oppressor or being nothing.
1 1/2. I have a deep appreciation for cultures from all around the world. The reason this becomes a problem is that African cultures are appreciated and upheld as being black cultures, Asian cultural traditions are upheld and valued for being Asian, but European cultures are rarely appreciated for being white. I suppose part of this is that groups that value white cultures are often white supremacy groups, where white culture isn't valued in and of itself, it's valued for being better than other cultures. The problem isn't that European or white cultures aren't valued, it's that they aren't valued in the context of race. People might appreciate Shakespeare, but they don't appreciate him for being white in the same way that Ralph Ellison is appreciated for being black.
2. Race is one aspect of human life that is expanded to explain an entire human experience, and this fragments a human life. I don't want to deny the extent of anyone's suffering because of their race, because of the discrimination they've suffered for being a certain race. I also don't want to fragment human experience and tell someone that they don't know what it means to suffer because they haven't been ostracized or hurt because of their race. Other people are rejected and discriminated against and killed for aspects of their identity that have nothing to do with race, and their suffering is real and also can't be minimized just because they're being discriminated against and killed on a non-racial basis. Also, I'm concerned with people as entire human beings where race is part of their experience as a whole, but it's not the whole. Asking for someone to speak as a black man, a white woman, a Thai transvestite, and only being concerned with those aspects of their identity, and to ask them to speak for every other black, white, or asian, is a mistake. It's really important to hear the stories of everyone.
2 1/2. I am pretty aware of myself as a white person, maybe after living in Thailand for so long, but I'm also used to being more or less aware of it depending on what context I'm in. In other words, my sense of racial identity strengthens and weakens throughout the day depending on who I'm with and who I'm around. If this is connected to discomfort during race discussions, then it's connected to the idea that race isn't an all-encompassing, eclipsing identity. I also understand that might just be my experience.
3. I just feel petty a lot of the time for caring about being white, that I can't voice these concerns without being petty, and without minimizing the pain of other people. But I suppose this is like having a friend who, whenever you're together, will always talk about himself and his struggles and is never concerned with yours or you or your life except in the context of how what you can do can help him. And, in this case, you really do want to help him, and you are aware that what he's faced has been more painful than what you have, but you just get tired of listening all the time without ever bringing your own life into it.
That may be really selfish (or it may not be, you decide, America), but that's also where I'm at.
Which is another reason I'm uncomfortable with race discussions: The emphasis is on ideals rather than truth, so people aren't allowed to speak truthfully of where they're at and what they're thinking. And if things are going to change, there needs to be space for people to speak honestly instead of trying to appear like they're not racist, not sexist, not bigoted (especially when everyone is racist, sexist, bigoted in one area or another to one degree or another IMO). I often don't feel like I have the ability to speak honestly of my experience, or to ask honest questions becuse people will tell me that I'm wrong, that my questions are wrong. But the point isn't whether I'm wrong or not, I may know that I'm wrong, that I'm racist, and want to change that, it just doesn't make sense to keep repeating to people how sick they are when they're in the middle of looking for a cure.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
brief
brief reflections and generalizations:
1. The disappointment of spring is that as the leaves are growing back on the trees, I don't have as much of a view onto the sidewalks and paths as I used to. I have to duck around a lot if I want to see who's walking down there.
2. When I'm around people who are very quiet, I sometimes forget that their senses work. I'm surprised when they talk and I doubt that their sense of smell and hearing are fully functional.
3. Most important events in my life don't seem to be as dramatic as they should be, while I'm experiencing thom; most dramatic experiences end up not being very important.
4. People don't need my agreement or approval to be doing the work of God. They don't need to "minister" to me to be doing the work of God either. And it's very important to not get in God's way, and to not be so arrogant as to think that theological precision is as important as love for God.
5. I don't like euphemistic language. But, I do care a lot about effective communication and taking care to not use words that convey a different meaning than intended (even though, ultimately, words are too slippery to control). In interpersonal problems, I think it's hard to find true healing unless you acknowledge the true depth of the pain. I'm not using that as excuse to be an asshole, incidentally.
6. After telling a few of my friends today that I used to seriously dislike them, one of them mentioned that my disliking someone intensely (who I don't know) may be a litmus test for whether I end up becoming friends with them. That's been accurate in a lot of cases in my life.
1. The disappointment of spring is that as the leaves are growing back on the trees, I don't have as much of a view onto the sidewalks and paths as I used to. I have to duck around a lot if I want to see who's walking down there.
2. When I'm around people who are very quiet, I sometimes forget that their senses work. I'm surprised when they talk and I doubt that their sense of smell and hearing are fully functional.
3. Most important events in my life don't seem to be as dramatic as they should be, while I'm experiencing thom; most dramatic experiences end up not being very important.
4. People don't need my agreement or approval to be doing the work of God. They don't need to "minister" to me to be doing the work of God either. And it's very important to not get in God's way, and to not be so arrogant as to think that theological precision is as important as love for God.
5. I don't like euphemistic language. But, I do care a lot about effective communication and taking care to not use words that convey a different meaning than intended (even though, ultimately, words are too slippery to control). In interpersonal problems, I think it's hard to find true healing unless you acknowledge the true depth of the pain. I'm not using that as excuse to be an asshole, incidentally.
6. After telling a few of my friends today that I used to seriously dislike them, one of them mentioned that my disliking someone intensely (who I don't know) may be a litmus test for whether I end up becoming friends with them. That's been accurate in a lot of cases in my life.
Monday, May 12, 2008
evolution
Something I just realized is that my shift from believing in a literal Genesis creation to evolution didn't have much to do with science. It had much more to do with story. The story of development and change was something I came to believe in. The story was based on science, but it wasn't the science that convinced me.
I also just realized that I don't want to be a kid anymore. There were times when I used to want to return to childhood, but I don't want to. And if I would want to return to my teenage years, it would mostly be to have all that free time again. In general, though, I'm much happier now than I was at that time, and I've changed mostly in good ways.
Looking at how I've changed in good ways, though, I can't help but feel like that process isn't going to continue to forever (or one way of looking at it is that it will continue forever, there will just be some significant jolts). In other words, my age doesn't necessarily correspond to how healthy or wise or good or happy I am. A few weeks ago I was thinking that there would inevitably be a point where I look at my life and wonder "How did it come to this?" I dont know if that's pessimistic or realistic, if it really is inevitable or not, but I've seen these things happen before.
I used to worry that for being an English major, I wasn't really changed by the stories that I read. This was a secret that I kept pretty close, because even though I knew why I believed stories were good, I wasn't really having that experience. Lately, though, I've been so impressed with the power of story, and how much influence it actually does have on my life, and how the stories I read and hear do change me. That's a change that I think is good.
Incidentally, I also have been appreciating lately how the English major (or experiencing narrative in general?) seeks to eliminate judgment in favor of observation. Description, rather than prescription. Or maybe that's just the take that I want to have on it. I guess I know that there is a point where judgment needs to be made...but I think that point will be much more balanced and much more true when I come through a stage of pure observation. But it also really depends on what I mean when I say judgment.
I see a lot of links between judgment and fear. Listening to other people talk about how they live (the narrative of their life), I am afraid. I am afraid that either I will have to change or that I will change in ways I don't want to. If someone is doing something "good," and I'm not, then I try to find ways to justify my inaction. If someone's doing something "bad," and I'm not, then I try to find a reason for why what they're doing is wrong. This is fear, but it's fear that I feel less and less.
I feel more and more comfortable with the idea that I don't have to do everything that is "good." I don't need to lead everything, be involved in everything. I can acknowledge what other people are doing, and support that, but that doesn't mean that it's good or healthy for me to take part in what they're doing....which is also something that's been important to me as an SMC. People don't have to take part in what I'm doing. They don't need to be involved with my ideas, my events, with me.
/navelgazing
I also just realized that I don't want to be a kid anymore. There were times when I used to want to return to childhood, but I don't want to. And if I would want to return to my teenage years, it would mostly be to have all that free time again. In general, though, I'm much happier now than I was at that time, and I've changed mostly in good ways.
Looking at how I've changed in good ways, though, I can't help but feel like that process isn't going to continue to forever (or one way of looking at it is that it will continue forever, there will just be some significant jolts). In other words, my age doesn't necessarily correspond to how healthy or wise or good or happy I am. A few weeks ago I was thinking that there would inevitably be a point where I look at my life and wonder "How did it come to this?" I dont know if that's pessimistic or realistic, if it really is inevitable or not, but I've seen these things happen before.
I used to worry that for being an English major, I wasn't really changed by the stories that I read. This was a secret that I kept pretty close, because even though I knew why I believed stories were good, I wasn't really having that experience. Lately, though, I've been so impressed with the power of story, and how much influence it actually does have on my life, and how the stories I read and hear do change me. That's a change that I think is good.
Incidentally, I also have been appreciating lately how the English major (or experiencing narrative in general?) seeks to eliminate judgment in favor of observation. Description, rather than prescription. Or maybe that's just the take that I want to have on it. I guess I know that there is a point where judgment needs to be made...but I think that point will be much more balanced and much more true when I come through a stage of pure observation. But it also really depends on what I mean when I say judgment.
I see a lot of links between judgment and fear. Listening to other people talk about how they live (the narrative of their life), I am afraid. I am afraid that either I will have to change or that I will change in ways I don't want to. If someone is doing something "good," and I'm not, then I try to find ways to justify my inaction. If someone's doing something "bad," and I'm not, then I try to find a reason for why what they're doing is wrong. This is fear, but it's fear that I feel less and less.
I feel more and more comfortable with the idea that I don't have to do everything that is "good." I don't need to lead everything, be involved in everything. I can acknowledge what other people are doing, and support that, but that doesn't mean that it's good or healthy for me to take part in what they're doing....which is also something that's been important to me as an SMC. People don't have to take part in what I'm doing. They don't need to be involved with my ideas, my events, with me.
/navelgazing
Sunday, May 11, 2008
tremors
Recently, I've had tremors in my left leg. It feels like my phone is vibrating, but it's not phantom vibrations, it's vibrations somewhere inside my leg. But when it's happening, and I feel my leg, I don't feel it vibrating. Weird.
I feel pressure to write something important on here, like something that will change peoples perspectives, be illuminating, thought-provoking, etc. I will ignore that pressure. Hopefully my choice to reject any sort of lesson, moral, synthesis, or analysis will change your perspective.
I feel pressure to write something important on here, like something that will change peoples perspectives, be illuminating, thought-provoking, etc. I will ignore that pressure. Hopefully my choice to reject any sort of lesson, moral, synthesis, or analysis will change your perspective.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
dream
I wanted to write this down before I forget: for the second time this quarter, I had a dream about being stuck in an illusionary world. What I remember from last night is that I was stuck in a house, and there was some malicious woman, and there were a bunch of objects in the house that I knew weren't real (like a TV?), so I started to destroy them. I just wanted to remember, because I've been forgetting about it all day, and I'm really intrigued that I've been dreaming about having faulty vision and being caught in illusions, since that's a subject that I'm interested in in real life.
Other topic.
Tonight I told my story, and I've been thinking about it lately. It's very strange for me to think about old, painful experiences, and realize that they're still painful and that they still are having an effect on how I think and act today. I do think there is something healing in simply telling stories though, and that's how I felt after tonight. Not that things are done, but that it was a healing experience.
Other topic.
Tonight I told my story, and I've been thinking about it lately. It's very strange for me to think about old, painful experiences, and realize that they're still painful and that they still are having an effect on how I think and act today. I do think there is something healing in simply telling stories though, and that's how I felt after tonight. Not that things are done, but that it was a healing experience.
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