tire

I feel exhausted. Not just tired, but tired and empty. There's some humor in this for me, since it was the first day off of training stuff or mandatory sessions (except our staff met this morning). I'm ready for this day to end, it was one of the ones where I felt like I needed to flee and give up. But I don't think I will. These, I think, are the really hard days for me: when the temptation is present to turn my back on something.

I've been asking Jesus for a lot of help lately. When I'm in the moment, help for that moment and that time, help for right now. And I think he shows up. Which doesn't mean everything magically becomes better, or how I want it to be. I don't really know what it means. Maybe something about redemption. Maybe it has something to do with magic, because a lot of things that happen in my life feel like magic, or like there's some fantastical element to them. Mystery.