prayer, Thailand (not connected)

I used to pray a lot for other people. I think I just got burnt out on it and so I stopped. besides that, I think I just haven't been involved in anyones lives enough that I would know how to pray for them (as if I ever know how to pray for people, but you understand?). this is starting to change. it can still seem overwhelming, but I guess it doesn't need to be. God is good whether I pray or not.

I was thinking about division, earlier. I started thinking about how I am divided online: myspace, facebook, here, for instance. I don't really like it, it gets old checking lots of different sites, and it would be nice to have an all purpose site where all the people I care about are and that suits my purposes. not going to happen. but that's okay. writing about anything really in depth on myspace is hard for me, like it's out of place, so I don't do that.

but then I started thinking about other divisions in my life. start broad: thailand and the states. then in washington, my life might appropriately be divided between people I know from church in bothell, people I know from school, and people I know from the kazba. generally, these are mutually exclusive. for the most part, my friends here have never been to thailand, and if they have they've never lived there (for the most part). likewise, my brother is my only friend from Thailand that lives here now.

it's hard to talk about Thailand with people here. I'm not sure why. I guess it gets old hearing the same questions asked all the time, especially questions that are impossible to answer: "What was it like?" I usually just say something trite, like "it was hot", and I never really talk about the hard parts of living in Thailand. I guess that's not unusual, my friends don't bring up their hometowns very often in conversation, so it would make sense that I wouldn't. it still feels different to me though.

I think it's hard for people to see that Thailand was not exotic. there were things that were good and strange and beautiful about Thailand, and there were things that were hard and that sucked about it. like anywhere else. it was just life.

I think that I don't talk about how Thailand was hard, because that has to do with my own experience, but the questions that people are usually asking aren't dealing with me as an individual, they're attempting to find out what Thailand is like. perhaps on some level, then, I can understand why a black person on campus would feel uncomfortable when they're asked what it's like to be a black person on campus. the question isn't really about them as an individual, and it attempts to get them to speak from individual experience to speak for a collective and for the individual experiences of others. well, my experience of Thailand is not like other peoples experience, and most people don't get to the point that they're really asking about me, so I probably won't tell them about me.

still, I can understand, because I do the same thing. when people visit a place that I'm interested in, I ask them the same type of questions. maybe that needs to change? also, I think some of the same questions can be asked and still have the focus on the individual, when you're not asking them to speak for something more than they can speak for, when you want to find out about their life because it is their life.

I think that there is some danger in me exoticizing my own experiences in Thailand, and forgetting about the hard times there, and taking it as this thing which sets me apart from people. oh, I go back and forth on how much it actually sets me apart, back and forth on how much of it is just in my head.