passive samaritans, and clothes

I think that today I see God. Maybe. And it's funny, I say that because of hard things that have happened and not because of times where I see everything come together. I wish I could say I have an overwhelming sense of God's goodness and that things will turn out okay and that God is guiding me, but I don't. I don't feel that. But today, I feel more...confident in God. Maybe.

I saw a cat stuck in a tree today. I was riding my bike, and I came to a bridge over a deep gulley between two housing developments. I stopped on the bridge to think or pray, and I heard a meow. So I looked around and started meowing back. This went on for quite a while until I actually managed to find where the cat was. Then I stood there for a while watching it and meowing every once in a while. But I didn't know how I could help it, so I told a guy in a cul-de-sac off of the bridge, and he thought he might know whose cat it was. And I was thinking that if I was placed in the good samaritan story, I would be the guy that passed by and didn't help because he didn't know what to do, so he did nothing. That seems to characterize my life: inaction/ambivalence as the result of uncertainty. Some days I like that, and think it's good. Other times, I think the only way to know is by moving one way or the other.

Weird run-ins today: I saw my kindergarten teacher in the mall today. It was cool because I'd wanted to see her, but a little disappointing because...what do you say to someone you haven't seen in 10 years (no, I didn't graduate from kindy at age 10, last time I saw her was around then)?

In other news, I decided the other day that clothes are dumb, and that--although it may sound unchristian--I'm a clothing relativist. what's good for you is not good for me. let me wear what I what I want, and I'll let you wear what you want. unless your clothes suck.

other things that frustrate me: the idea of dressing up for interviews. the idea of dressing up nice for anything except celebrations (business meetings, church ("but isn't church a celebration, too, alex?!?!")). for celebrations, I can understand. I didn't mind dressing up for my friend's wedding over Christmas. it just seems so silly and stupid for something like business or church.

other clothes related thought: avoiding brand-name clothes because they're brand name suffers from the same problem as wearing brand clothing because they're brand. there's clothes that I would never want to wear, just because I don't want people to think that I actually care and because I don't want people to think that brands matter to me, and I don't want the connotations associated with certain clothes. unfortunately, this type of thinking just demonstrates that it does matter on some level to me. perhaps there is some difference, or some basis, but I think this is good to remember before I look down on other people because they actually care about what brands they wear. (note: this section is ignoring what might be pertinent issues, like the business ethics of different companies, and not wanting to support those businesses for whatever reason. that's dimly related to this conversation, but isn't especially relevant to what I'm getting at).

I hate wearing new clothes or new shoes. it's embarassing. not all the time.

everyone cares on some level about how they look and what they wear, it just manifests in different ways. sometimes for me, that means wearing things that I don't like.