The Kind of Barber I Want

The last time I went to a barbershop for a hair cut, I was 15. In the 8 years since then, I've cut my hair myself with a little help from my friends and mom (to trim up the back) and have even handed over the scissors to my girlfriend to do the whole thing. Reading Arabian Nights, I came across a barber who makes his customer miserable with endless talk. He says this about himself:

God in His bounty has provided you with a barber who is also an astrologer, a chemist, an expert in natural magic, grammar, morphology, philology, rhetoric, eloquence, logic, arithmetic, astronomy, geometry, religious law, the traditions of the Prophet and the interpretation of the Quran. I have read the relevant books and studied them; I have a practical knowledge of affairs; I have commited to heart a perfect knowledge of the sciences; I am a theoretical and practical master of technical skill. There is nothing that I have not organized and undertaken.

Now that's the kind of barber I'm looking for. I've considered a few barbers at various times, but at the moment of decision I've never gone through with it. If I found a barber shop that was open at 3 in the morning, an all-night barber shop, I would have gone a long time ago.