I'll get more done, I'll have more fun

Table of Contents
1. 'On Peak Hill'
2. Sexy Conversations with Men
3. Ask me in a week
4. Risky business
5. Epilogue

1. In the last two days, I've listened to 'On Peak Hill' by Stars around 7 or 8 times. I'm not sure why. I first heard this song two years ago, when some of my friends were playing the song. They weren't my friends then, but they are now. From that time until this last week, I hadn't heard the song, had never heard Stars play it, and I'd tried to find it but had been unable to. I don't know why I've listened to it so much: the chord progression is simple, the lyrics are borderline cheesy (I thought when I first heard it that it was a joke song that they'd written). Who knowz.

2. The last week and a half there has been a lot that I've wanted to write in here, and now I can't remember most of it. I've been thinking a little bit lately about my male friends and what we talked about, and I realized that I never talk about sex or masturbation or any aspect of sexuality with my close male friends, this is how it's been all the time I've grown up, it just hasn't been a topic of conversation typically. It's really strange too, because it's really unusual, if all the guys I lived with in the dorms are any indicator of the norm. No value judgments, it is what it is, I just think it's strange, and dont really know how it ended up that way.

3. I've been thinking about liking things lately. It's becoming more and more difficult for me to say whether or not I like something--an event, a person, a book, a movie--I don't even know what that question is asking really, and sometimes I get really antsy when people ask me, or I suspect that they will soon ask me, whether I like something. I think sometimes I'm just antsy because I'm forced to formulate an opinion before I'm ready to, or forced to express what I know is an unbalanced view. I was always really frustrated when people would ask me if I liked my brother's girlfriends, because I usually didn't know them very well, hadn't spent much time with them, and didnt feel qualified to say whether or not I liked them or not. I just don't think it's a fair question. With books and movies, I like to be asked about them maybe a week or a month after I'm done with them. Maybe what frustrates me is that it tends to be too simplistic, that it asks me to choose either/or, when very few things in life are either/or for me.

4. What I want for my conversations with people is to say things that I am slightly nervous about saying, and to ask things that I am slightly nervous about asking, and having the same in return from whom I'm talking to. Not necessarily "deep" conversations, because those can just end up being oppressive, more like things that people are nervous about saying for whatever reason. I just want to ask the things I actually care about and the things I actually want to know. Just not in a way that is invasive or creepy or that pushes people away, because I know there have been times when people, strangers especially, have asked me those questions, I've just wanted to get the hell away from them. I'm just tired of low-risk conversations and questions, even though they are very well-intentioned, and are probably out of desperation from not knowing what to say or what to ask. Obviously, the implication is that I need to start doing this as well.

5. The moral of this post is that vegetables left in the fridge for too long will go bad.