uncomfort

It's hard to realize that I'm often still uncomfortable with people over here. Even my friends. Not at ease. Not at ease talking, often. There's a still a sense that I have to "prove" myself. And the whole idea of that is ridiculous. And I feel like a little boy, that I would come onto my web log and write that. More importantly, maybe, I often feel uncomfortable being silent. But a lot of times I'm okay with silence and not saying anything, and just watching people. Often, I suspect that I would be happy just to grab someone and go sit by the canal and not talk at all and just watch the water and chill. Oh well, I don't know if anyone actually reads this. Except I think my brother does.

I don't like being interrupted, but I get interrupted a lot over here in the States. Funny, but over a year after I've moved to the States, I'm still not used to talking in groups of people. I guess I talked to a lot of people in Thailand one on one. I miss that. It's hard to go from a place where what I had to say was important to people to here, where it feels like what I have to say is so much shit. Except a lot of times it is. Or that's how it feels, and I wonder if it's because I'm usually in groups of people here, and I'm not used to saying much of importance when I'm not alone with people, so I just talk nonsense.

I've realized that often when I'm feeling the worst, I don't want to talk about it, I just want to tell stories. I like to tell them, and hear them. I haven't found America to be a place where people want to hear stories though. That's a supergeneralization, but I guess it's true to my experience. I think being interrupted is worst if you're telling a story. I love stories.

Unrelated: something I was thinking in class today: God by any other name is still God, and Jesus by any other name is still Jesus, and that doesn't have to be threatening. Allah is still God.