interview

Here's an interview that I conducted with my brother, Zac Franciscus, and Jaci Wilcox right before they graduated, 7 years ago. I'm not sure how funny it will be to people who didn't grow up with them. Just think of it as fuel for my biographers.

Also, considering I just read Moby Dick and loved it, I thought their comments about the book were funny.

Alex: What's the stupidest thing you've ever said to a teacher?
Zach: Uh
Jaci: Oh boy..Hah, Alex
Zac: Alex is a geek.
Zach: I've never said 'Alex is a geek' to my teacher
Zac: I never said that to my teachers
Jaci: Neither did I
Alex: I'm cutting out the insults
Zach: I don't know, I don't think I've ever said anything mean to my teacher. I think I'm just a bright, shining… [Interrupted by Jaci]
Jaci: I'm a smart person, I don't say anything stupid to my teachers.
Zac: You mean teachers here, or ever?
Alex: Ever.
Zac: Um, I was in 4th grade and my teacher threatened to give me a report on rivers and so I smart-mouthed her and basically just told her I really didn't care. So she let the class vote on how many words it was supposed to be and I ended up writing a 1,000 word paper that night.
Alex: What class do you wish the school could have had?
Jaci: Uhhhhh
Zach: Home Ec.
Zac: [Laughs]
Jaci: Actually I really do wish they did had that one…
Zach: Oh yeah, me too.
Jaci: [Giggles.] [Unprintable]
Zac: He hasn't answered seriously and I'm still thinking. I'm going to hit you. Um.
Alex: Hey, Zac, I hear rumors that on the break you're gonna be teaching Home Ec. classes, is that true?
Zac: No
Alex: I can cut anything out I want.
Zac: Umm
Jaci: Heehee, and add anything that you want.
Zac: I…I wanted…I know I wanted something a little bit ago, just trying to remember what it was.
Jaci: I wish I could have done the woodshop class. I'm pathetic when it comes to practical things like that.
Zach: I would just like anything that would broaden my horizons.
Zac: I think I should hit you. Caleb, do your work.
Zach: Can we have the next question, please?
Alex: Fine.
Zac: Yeah, I abstain.[Giggles]
Alex: What was the best year here at the school?
Jaci: I think this one.
Zach: This coming year.
Zac: Yeah, so far for me, I'll agree with Jaci. Leave Zach out on his lonesome to be an idiot.
Zach: I dunno, having Luke around was good.
Alex: How about the worst year?
Jaci: Uh..Uh..I think the second year I was here.
Alex: Why?
Jaci: 'Cause I hated school.
Zach: I've never had a worst year because I've always loved school and all my teachers.
Zac: I need a knife.
Alex: How have you contributed to the school?
Zach: Being here.
Zac: I brought about the journalism department.
Jaci: I light up the room.
Zac: Only when she wears Christmas lights around her though, that's really funny, that's only when she's drunk. Wait, we're gonna edit this.
Alex: What do you guys think of the uniforms, are you planning to burn them when school's out?
Zac: If my mother wasn't giving them to the rest of my family, I, I would.
Jaci: I like our uniforms, I think they're way better than what some people have. But I would rather not wear them
Zac: I don't think we should talk to Jaci anymore.
Zach: I think uniforms are a very wise decision as they are culturally sensitive. It's good for the community to see us wearing them.
Alex: Alright, here's a serious one. What are you guys planning to go into, your plans for after school?
Zac: A building.
Jaci: I'm gonna do a [Discipleship Training School] and then apply for medical school.
Zac: I'm doing a [Discipleship Training School] then hanging out in Pennsylvania for two months then going into Journalism at Pitt.
Zach: I'm still kind of confused about this whole part.
Alex: What was the worst book you ever read here?
Zach: Moby Dick without a question.
Jaci: Moby Dick.
Zac: If I would have read it, I would most likely agree with them. Um.
Zach: You chose to read it over the Grapes of Wrath.
Zac: I haven't started it yet.
Jaci: Choose the Grapes of Wrath, do not read Moby Dick.
Zach: I agree, by all means.
Zac: [Chuckles] I want to experience the same pains as you so I can relate to you.
Jaci: There is two remotely funny parts in the whole entire book and they wouldn't be funny if you hadn't been reading Moby Dick.
Alex: [To Zac] Worst book, worst book.
Zac: What?
Alex: Worst book.
Zac: We're having a conversation, go away.
Alex: Worst book.
Zac: Um. I really didn't like Brave New World.
Jaci: That was interesting.
Zac: I thought it was pointless and depressing.
Zach: I loved it.
Alex: What kind of animal do you think the school mascot should be?
Jaci: A weasel. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen a weasel.
Zac: Mint.
Zach: You. You animal, you.
Zac: [Throaty growl]
Alex: What's the biggest stunt you ever pulled here at school?
Zac: I switched all the locker doors one day. Remember that at our old school it would happen a lot.
Zach: I didn't wear my uniform once.
Alex: Rebel.
Zac: You rebel, you.
Jaci: Uhhh..
Zac: Lock you up now.
Alex: Jaci's another one of those rebels.
Jaci: Yeah, I'm a loser. I didn't do anything.
Zach: However I was a uh, I was uh, at least I knew about it, I could have prevented Kevin from coming in and crashing the middle school party.
Kevin: Can I object?
Zach: No.
Zac: Be quiet, Canadian.